A Dozen Questions for Mother’s Day

 

Why did God make mothers?

1. She’s the only one who knows how to make edible minestra.

2. To keep the house clean.

3. So that they smell nice.

4. So that people never become extinct.

How did God make mothers?

1. Their mothers had babies and then they grew up.

2. He made pizza dough and blew into it to make it human.

3. He allowed women to have babies.

4. He chose them for each family, and then sent them there.

What are mothers made of?

1. Bits from different magazines.

2. It says in the Bible it’s from a rib but dad says an arm and a leg. He’s lying.

3. Sugar and spice, like little girls – but tonnes more.

4. A kind heart inside and soft skin to cover their skeleton on the outside.

Why did God give you this mum and no other?

1. Because she married my father, silly.

2. So that I could drive her up the wall, which I couldn’t do if she was laid back.

3. She is the only one who lets me wear purple nail polish, and her shoes.

4. Because she is the only one who always knows the words to the songs on radio.

What kind of little girl was your mum?

1. Bossy and pretty. That is what my aunty Helen says.

2. I think she was naughty; nanna’s hair is white.

3. She was a tomboy, and has stitches all over to prove it.

4. She was just like me because our photos match exactly.

What did mum need to know about dad before she married him?

1. Whether he wanted children, i.e. me and my twin brother.

2. If he had a tattoo, because she likes them. He didn’t, so he got one.

3. She asked him if he wanted to marry her and he said yes.

4. She wanted to live at Naxxar and he said yes so she said she’d marry him.

Why did your mum marry your dad?

1. Because she loves him.

2. Because he asked her to.

3. Because they bought the house and nanna said it would be a sin to waste it.

4. Because he looks like Sean Connery.

Who’s the boss at your house?

1. Mum is, definitely. She’s the one who shouts “lights out!”

2. Mum. She lives here all the time and daddy goes to work, so she must be.

3. Mum. She decides what we have to eat and when we must do the homework.

4. Dad. Bosses go to work, and so does my dad.

What’s the difference between mums & dads?

1. Mums wear nice clothes and dads wear torn jeans and watch television.

2. Mums are big girls and dads are little boys.

3. Mums go to work and do the shopping, Dads just go to work full stop.

4. Mums cry with you and dads tell you big girls don’t cry.

What does your mum do in her spare time?

1. She puts on a CD and dances.

2. She calls her friends and they gossip.

3. She says she does not know what spare time is.

4. She cooks and cooks and gives the food away to people who don’t cook.

What would it take to make your mum perfect?

1. A button to make her say yes when I want something.

2. She says she wants a smaller bum, but dad says it’s perfect already.

3. Make her a bit fatter so her bones don’t hurt when she hugs me.

4. I want her to accept my test marks even when they are below 60. Or 50.

If you could change one thing about your Mum, what would it be?

1. That she insists I drink my milk and eat my vegetables.

2. That she wouldn’t make me put dirty clothes in the bin all the time.

3. That she always blames me when something gets broken.

4. That she lets me swim in the sea in winter too.

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