1. I shall never be ageist, racist, or sexist – at least, not in front of the kids. I shall teach them to accept everyone as they are.
2. I shall never post photographs of my children on social sites – especially those that will make them embarrassed if someone digs them up from the ether, when they are grown up.
3. I will never use disposable nappies, dummies, milk formulae, or glass bottles. That way, I will be safeguarding both my children and the environment.
4. My boys will never wear torn jeans or scruffy shoes, even should they be they are the height of fashion. Being always neatly turned out is not being a nerd – it’s what’s right.
5. My children will always be polite and caring. They will never be bullies. They will share what they have and do as they would be done by.
6. My children will never eat junk food, and they will never snack between meals. They will never take sugar or salt, and the only fats they will eat shall come from milk and cheese, and avocado.
7. My girls will not wear make-up until post-puberty. No, I will not get them the Cutie Pie kits with organic vegetable eye-shadows and olive-oil based lipsticks.
8. No babysitter screens. They will not have an iPad to tote along with them, and they shall not watch television in the morning, before school. They will be with me, watching (and helping) me make their lunches and doing the chores and cooking so we’ll have a meal to come home to when we get back.
9. No cereals, bread, sweets, junk food, or tinned products. I’ll make them a fresh fruit and / or vegetable salad every morning, each one different from the one before it, and the one after it, for breakfast, and another one for school.
10. Nobody but I, will care for them. They are my children. I will nurture them until they get to kindergarten age. No nannas, nannies, aunties, friends, neighbours, or playschools. That’s what maternity leave is for, isn’t it?