I Am The Hunchback In the Park

Tanja Cilia
14 July 2018 ·
Yesteryear’s park is today’s Facebook. I sit, alone, in the crowd. Between my screen and my chair. Inside my room
Away from the rest of the family
Under the same roof
I Am The Hunchback In the Park.
Fast food. Take-away pizza.
Hissing my name through the letter-box: Mister, Mister. Slurping cola from a covered cup, through a straw
Nestled between the melting ice-cubes.
Delivered within fifteen minutes because sixteen would make it free.
I know everyone. I am friends with no one.
Not alone, but lonely yet.
Today’s Hunchback In the Park.
Careless cruelty isolates me.
People taunt me, because I am not perfect.
Therefore, I close my account on Facebook – And open another one, under a new identity.
And await the friending requests
To roll in, for my new, flawless persona. It does not pay to be sincere.
Till it happens… I conjure up new friends… Perfect ones. Surreal ones.
Because I Am The Hunchback In the Park.
Sinister people pretend they are who they are not
And hide who they really are. Reality and imagination meet and intertwine, melding.
I may as well be a broken statue in the graveyard
Or a nameless tramp under a bridge.
Age, gender, race, orientation, looks… Who knows? Who cares?
I am the nameless hunchback in the park; the lonely phantasm at the laptop keyboard…

Psst! Ħares ‘l Hawn…

Lehen is-Sewwa, February 28, 2016

 

Hawn min, biex ikellmek, jaħtaflek il-komma u jħares ċass f’għajnejk, qisu jrid jagħmillek seħer. Hawn min għandu ħabta jħares lejn ħuġbejk, jew moħħok, jew lejn imnieħrek.
Staqsejt lil xi uħud kienux lesti jħarsu fiss fl-għajnejn – u skantajt kemm kien hemm min ħadha bis-serjeta din il-mistoqsija.
# Jien insib li meta xi ħaddd iħares dritt f’għajnejja, jkun qisu qed jxrobl ruħi. Qisu jrid iku jaf jekk hux qed nigdeb, jew forsi jun qed jipprova jara sa fejn jista’ jasal miegħi – kemm jista’ jieħu mingħandi, sew jekk affarijiet materjali, jew emozzjonijiet.
# Għamilt ħabta inbati bid-dipresssjoni, u ma nsibnix kapaċi li nħares lejn dak li jkun, għax għaija hia xi ħaga emozzjonali wisq. In hoss li moħħi jitgħabba ż-żejjed meta rrid nikkonċentra fuq dak li nkun qed ngħid, u fuq il-ħarsa ta’ dak li jkun.
# Ommi u missieri nfirdu meta kont żgħira, u għalija, il-mod idejali biex nuri d-dispexx tiegħi lejha u lejn ir-raġel il-ġdid tagħha kienli ma nħarisx lejhom. Ma ngħidlekx kemm qlajt swat fuq hekk. Kont drajtha l-biċċa, u għamilt hekk fl-iskola wkoll, u l-għalliema kienu jgħidu li jien insolenti. Aħjar milli nirrispondi u naħli saħti.
# Jekk inħares f’għajnejn xi ħadd, nitfixkel, għax nipprrova nifhem dak li ma jkunx qed jgħidli. Nibda’ ntemtem, u ma nkunx naf fejn jien.
# Jien inħares lejn dak li jkun, għax m’għandix x’naħbi – kif tarani, pinġini.
# Jien bi-polar – u ma rridx inħares lejn għajnejn dak li jkun, li ma murx ninduna li jkunu qed jaħsbu ‘din miġnuna’ għax ikollna xi ngħidu żgur.
# Jien nitlef il-konċentrazzjoni meta xi ħadd iħres f’għajnejja. Rari ninża’ n-nuċċali tax-xemx, u nħobb nuża minn dawk li jirriflettu, biex żgur ma jkunux jistgħu jarawhomli.
# Hija tattika tiegħi li nħares fitt lejn dak li jku, biex nagħmillhom pressjoni psikologika. Inħobb nagħmel in-nies skomdi, bħallikieku qed niskrutinizzahom u niġġudikahom. Nitpaxxa narahom jintlew bit-tensjoni, u jirrepetu l-kliem fil-vojt.
# Jien nitlef għajnejja, u nħossni tac-cajt nipprova nħares lejn l-għajnejn, għax qisni nitwerreċ. Kieku kelli nipprova, imma, xorta kont inħossni anzjuża, għax jien mistħijja ħafna. . Forsi hawn min jaħseb li għax ma nħarsix lejh, ma nkunx qed nagħti kasu, imma nikkompensa għal dan billi nuża leħen ħlejju u nistaqsi mistoqsijiet li juru li jien qegħda attenta għal dak li jkunu qed jgħidu.
# Jien ma nittolerax li ħaddieħor iħarisli f’għajnejja, għax fix-xogħol tiegħi ma jaqbilx li nikxef dak li naħseb. Allura ma nħarisx lejhom jien, hux? Kien ikun diffiċli għalija li nispjega dan lill-klijjenti tiegħi, li ma jmurx jaħsbu li qed nidħaq bihom – imma fil-fatt, jien ma nħarisx lejhom biex inkun nista’ nibqa’ imparzjali, u ma nikxifx is-sigrieti fdati lili.
# Ma nafx għaliex, imma għajnejja jiekluni u jdemmgħu meta nħares lejn għajnejn oħra. Ikolli jew inħokkhom jew inxappaphom bil-maktur. Mela allura aħjar xejn – kuntenta li jgħidu kemm jiena stramba.
Jien naħseb li wasal iż-żmien li ma nibqgħux naħsbu li kull min jiftaħ għajnejh daqs plattina, ikun sinċier, u min jevita li jħares fl-għajnejn, għandu x’jaħbi. U int, x’taħseb?

The Luck of The Devil

 

Do you remember, back in 2013 – January, I think it was – the fuss made about the remains of a Roman woman who died in her 30s?

As I recall, the find was made in a necropolis near Lleida in the Catalonia region of Spain. The woman, who had died some 1,600 years before, had a calcified tumour in her pelvis…and it had a bone and four deformed teeth embedded within it, two of which were still attached to the wall of the tumour.

The “experts” called it an ovarian teratoma, and explained it away as a ‘bizarre but benign tumour’. If only they knew…

Forget stem cell manipulation – it is so yesterday. Oh, I know that people who call themselves geneticists still use it – and they use it to make ridiculous experiments like growing ears on rats’ backs, or fingers on pigs’ bellies, or spare skin on horses’ thighs.

My system is cheaper, and simpler – and infinitely more successful. But I’m not telling. This paper will only be found after I am dead. And then you will know why I had to be the reclusive “typical crazy scientist” that the Press and everyone else (except my patients) expected me to be.

The theory was simple, as all perfect theories usually are. But of course, I say this with the foresight of hindsight. I’d known about Chang and Eng, and the Biddenden Maids, but this was something new. The idea occurred to me way back in 2009, when I was still a kid and I’d read that story about the fetus-in-fetu case of Kang Mengru, the Chinese girl who was ‘pregnant’ with her own twin.

I remember reading up all I could about parasitic twins. I found dozens of recorded cases; and inevitably, most of them mentioned the character in The X-Files, Lanny, the alcoholic with an underdeveloped conjoined twin named Leonard, who is able to detach himself from Lanny’s body and get up to all kinds of mischief… including murder.

But I digress. What had really got me thinking was Kang Mengru’s story. Of course, the tabloids had regaled us with photos in Glorious Technicolor. The poor kid looked fit to burst, and the CT scan had shown what the matter with her was.

Not many people know – or care – who Little Gav was. His story was the same as that of Kang Mengru, and it happened in the same year; only Gavin Hyatt’s twin was bursting out of his belly button, as the Xenomorph did in Alien.

Having been diagnosed as suffering from a severe case of folliculitis, or a cyst, or hernia, Gavin was incredulous when the doctor ‘birthed’ his undeveloped twin – and asked for permission to take him home in a specimen jar.

I devoured any literature I found – I made a list of many known cases of people with extra limbs, of those with irises of a different colour…you know, heterochromia. While my friends were struggling with their French verbs, I was swatting up on craniopagus, thoracopagus, xiphopagus achipagus and pygopagus conjoined twins. Chew on that, Einstein.

I made up my mind to study genetics. It fascinated me how the DNA held, encoded within it, the entirety of an organism’s hereditary information, and how the genome includes both the genes and the non-coding sequences of the DNA.
Inevitably, after a time, the idea struck me… If a person can have two brains, and be able to think with either of them, and three legs, and be able to manipulate them all… there must be some way to make this happen naturally – and use the extraneous tissue thus created.

Oh, yes. But just imagine me going to the Medical Council and telling them that I would like to make women carry what are usually referred to as “encapsulated tumour-like formations inside the body”, so that I could then extract them and use them to conduct experiments and culture and clone new body parts. Oh, yeah, right. I should be so lucky that they would accept my project, no questions asked…

As I was saying… now, where was I? Oh, yes. The pedants would probably tell me that I was using the human body as a “thing” upon which to experiment. I would probably be crossed out of the List and not allowed to practice. Therefore, there had to be something “easier”, that would not bring own the law on my head like the proverbial tonne of bricks.

Ah! Teratomas. That had to be the solution. Like the parasitic twin, it was often encapsulated in tissue, but unlike the fetus-in-fetu, or extra limbs, stomachs, or organs, this could in no way be constituted as a legitimate body part.

Just so you’ll know – the word teratoma comes from the Greek words teras and onkoma which translate to monster-swelling.
In the interests of research, of course I wrote a paper about the condition, and, after being recognized as the world expert on teratomas, I was getting referrals as if there were no tomorrow.

You know – nobody asked for the “products of surgery” to take home with them – although I know that this is all the rage when extra limbs are cremated, or when teeth are extracted.

In any case, I found I could build up a bank of tissue and organ components, and take it from there…. sometimes, I was lucky enough to get brain tissue, teeth, hair, bone… and the occasional eye or complete limb. Strangely, I never had any rejection problems, as happened to my peers with some transplants from living donors.

Any doctor worth his salt would know that most teratomas are benign; nonetheless, I have developed a method to ascertain this, because I never, but never, used lines made from cells of malignant teratomas.

So now, you all know why my patients’ treatments were so expensive – but were a hundred per cent successful. You now know why the new skin of burns victims was so smooth and perfect on my patients, and how receding hairlines became a thing of the past without ever having the “doormat” look that some aesthetic surgeons could not avoid.

Therefore, if you were thinking that this is my Last Will and Testament, I am sorry to disappoint you.

My secrets have died with me. Game Over. Unlike me, you’re out of luck.

XXX

Caution: Dangerous toys

Saturday, February 13, 2010, 08:44 by Tanja Cilia

At a time when buying a girl “Organic Fancy Fairy Make-up” kits and “Personalised Pink Princess” aprons seems so utterly sexist and Edward and Jacob dolls are considered too naff, what’s a parent to do?
Air-guns and pea-shooters, like swords and bow-and-arrow sets, are as dangerous according to how they are used. Children’s jewellery (especially shiny and sparkly items) may still be dodgy because some manufacturers have been substituting illegal lead with the more dangerous heavy metal cadmium.
Some time ago, children in single digit ages were introduced to Miss Bimbo, innocuously described as a “virtual fashion game for girls”. Ah! This would, perhaps, save money for parents who were tired of shelling out oodles of boodle for Barbie, Minx and Winks gear.
Think again. Becoming “the hottest, coolest, richest and most famous bimbo in the whole world” cannot be done on a shoestring. The system works like that for a basic avatar – up to a point. Upon signing up, the girl is given a naked virtual character to “cultivate”, in competition with others. The clothes cost “Bimbo dollars” and so does the clubbing in which this doll revels. Forget virtual pets that just needed a click in order to be fed and cleaned.
But that’s not all. Miss Bimbo makes Victoria Beckham look like the Michelin Man because she can buy diet pills, at 100 Bimbo dollars a pop, to keep herself looking like a stick insect. In fact, the Bimbo dolls must only be fed “now and then”.
This, in turn, has the undesirable effect of reducing places that can be made more obvious through cosmetic enhancement surgery (11,500 Bimbo dollars for a boob job), including facelifts. Alas, there is no “brains” buying option. Of course, the Bimbo can always get a virtual job at one of those places where she can be “discovered” by a billionaire sugar daddy and spend the rest of her life getting extensions to her hair and her nails done.
Till that day dawns, however, she must undertake “Missions” and “Goals” that earn her “Bimbo attitudes”, moving her up in the social scale if she succeeds.
What are the chances that a girl would want the pole dancing kits, the furniture, the waxing sessions, make-up and clothes that are available to Miss Bimbo? Very high, apparently.
The game is ostensibly free to play but, inevitably, the stash of Bimbo dollars one is given at the start is bound to run out as soon as the child understands how the game works and, thenceforth, she has to send text messages or use PayPal to top up the accounts.
And just when you thought it could not get worse it does, to the extent that Lady Gaga could well retire. The inventors of My Minx say that the game is targeted at teenagers but parents report that schoolyard chatter has made the game known to the younger set too.
This character may be dressed in a selection of revealing lingerie (tattoos optional). But what makes it even tackier and trashy is that somewhere along the line in this Style City, the Minxes can adopt “trophy” orphans who just happen to share names and nationalities with the Brangelina Brood, as well as the children of Madonna and Ewan McGregor, and newly-orphaned Haitian children. The adoptions cost money but some of this may be recouped by trying to sell the photos to the glossies. Here, top (female) dog is called Minx of the Minxes.
She can go clubbing and binge-drinking and try to attract (snare would be more like it) a boyfriend. Again, when players run out of virtual cash they can use text messages or PayPal for a top-up.
But the “Bad Toy Award” goes to something else: an Ouija board in pink, since it is being marketed expressly towards girls; so much for non-sexist playthings. Let’s forget, for the moment, that this is meant to be used in the dark, when colour would not matter; the hue is its selling point. Another, apparently, are the “72 questions” included in the pack so that the child is never at a loss what to ask.
Everyone – and that includes Pagans and Witches – knows Ouija boards, with their invitation to necromancy, are dangerous. They have been known to lead to haunting and possessions. They have been known to exacerbate serious psychological problems in vulnerable people and even “normal” people have suffered terrible psychological consequences when dabbling with Ouija boards. So how can this ever be considered a “game”?
Just because they are not custom-made and wooden does not make them any less potentially dangerous. This is obliquely admitted in the blurb of the product: “…. Concentrate very hard and watch as the answer is revealed in the message window. Make up your own questions and let the Ouija board satisfy your curiosity in virtually endless ways. Ouija board will answer. It’s just a game – or is it?”
As John Wilson says: “Oh for a book and a shady nook, either indoors or out… For a jolly good book whereon to look, is better to me than gold.” And infinitely better than bad choices, too.

Angry Young Men and Women

http://www.adviceandinfo.com/teenagers/angry-young-men-and-women
First posted on May 9, 2013 a

Some teens look back, forward, and around them in anger – the ultimate in one-upmanship over the horde of (mostly) working and middle class 1950s British playwrights and novelists.
Kingsley Amis, Michael Hastings, Harold Pinter, John Osborne, Thomas Hinde, and the rest would have been surprised – and possibly perturbed – and the number of teens going around with perpetual pouts and frowns, erupting into toddler-like tantrums when things do not go exactly as planned.
We tell our teens that people their age never had it so good; including that some of us had to find part-time jobs if we wanted money during our school-days…
They dismiss this with a shrug, rather as if it is their divine right to have all that they need, and a bag in which to put it. The gap between teens and their parents or carers, alas, often seems to deepen as fast as the adults throw in rubble from the top to fill it up and make it even with the rest of the terrain.
We wonder why our teens are acting in such a way; after all, don’t we know what is best for them? Don’t we need over backward to help them achieve what they want?
It is all too easy to wash the teens off our hands by quoting adages like “as you make your bed, so you must lie on it”… and it is even easier to react to their irrational ire by even more of it.
However, it is better, safer, and more logical to nip the problem in the bud. Here are a dozen ways to help you do so:

 

1. A generation ago, parents were told to use the broken-record method to make children kowtow to them. Smart teens recognise this, and use the same attitude to make their parents change their minds about curfews, hair-dye, piercings, and other issues. He will badger, pester and harry you until (he hopes) you give in and tell him to do what he wants because he has exasperated you. Bingo!
2. Anger from us engenders even more anger-related behaviours from children. These may react either by seeking solace with their friends or other adults (of whom we may not approve) or by retreating inside an impenetrable shell, or by even more extreme reactions – including outbursts that can wreak damage.
3. If a teen is angry, he will not, and cannot, listen to reason. He sees “Let’s talk” as an order, and not as a suggestion; so he is bound to refuse. Go a step further and tell your teen that when he decides he wants to have a coherent, reasonable, two-way conversation, you will be there, waiting for him.
4. If you treat your teens like adults, they will behave thus – but if you treat them like toddlers, they will behave like babies. Explaining a situation from your perspective educates them, without driving them to be on the defensive. A child who is in a receptive frame of mind because he is relaxed is more amendable to correction than one who is het up in the throes of an argument.
5. Life skills include being sociable even if you do not really feel like it; being polite; negotiating compromises with people who do not see eye to eye with you, and curbing anger, amongst other things. Developing healthy self-esteem is part and parcel of a well-rounded character.
6. One of the worst parenting examples I ever saw involved a child who had fallen off a swing in the playground. His mother actively encouraged him to bang the swing against the supports, calling it “rude” and “nasty” and “cruel” the while…in effect, blaming it for the accident. The child’s face as he did this was a picture. If we teach our teenager to lay the blame elsewhere, rather than at their own door, they will never learn how to discipline themselves and control their anger.
7. Remember that your teens are probably watching you, and, as a corollary, learning by example. It is useless telling them not to get angry when they see you mouth off at someone who has cut in front of you on the road; or describing your in-laws in graphic detail when you think he is not listening.
8. Sometimes it is specific incidents that prompt an outburst from a teen. If a teen feels helpless, or excluded from his peer group, it is bound to make him angry. However, he expects you to read his mind to know why he is speaking in monosyllables. You can watch out for the warning signs – a tic in the cheek; baled fists; swift blinking; narrowed eyes; nail-biting… all these may herald an eruption of anger. Therefore, it is better to nip the episode in the bud; letting it all out is not the best of solutions.
9. Spare the rod and spoil the child is advice that ought to have gone out with the Ark. Yet, alas, many still believe that the only way to get a child in line is to use physical force. In this way, you are teaching a teen that “might is right” – and, never mind that a time will come when they will be physically stronger than you will – the chances are that they will behave in a similar manner with weaker siblings or friends. Bullying is never a solution. When you hit your child, you are expressing your anger and frustration, not teaching him mores and morals.
10. The general idea is to let the teen know that you know he is angry, and that, although you can assume why this is so, you will never know for sure unless he tells you. A teen needs to know he has your support and love. This will not happen if you only communicate with one another when the need arises, or when the only time you are together is when you drive him to his next ball game.
11. The sulks and the silent treatment are what some parents give their parents; they hope that we will ask them what the matter is, so they can say how hard-done by they are. This type of mind game appears to be very popular. Look at it this way: a child who is angry because his jeans are not clean will not always realise that this happened because he did not put it in the laundry chest; you have to tell him that.
12. The teen is often trying to test boundaries. How far will you let him go before you issue an ultimatum? Will he be able to needle you into a reaction by using specific phrases or body-language actions? The solution: practice deadpan in front of the mirror. The teen will realise that the reaction they so want will not be forthcoming.

 

Anger, Ire, Fury, Rage: An Acrostic
Antagonism… annoyance… abhorrence.
Nothing you will do or say will soothe the
Great wrath
Eating the soul.
Resentment.
######
Irritation and indignation have
Risen like an
Eerie tide of aggression and
######
Fulminating loathing.
Umbrage and dislike combine,
Redolent of wrath and resentment.
You don’t even know why you are angry.
######
Resentment and regrets….
About time you realise ire is futile.
Garbled emotions boiling within.
Exquisite pain; anger propagates and feeds itself.