The way we were

December 15, 2008|Tanja CiliaTimes of Malta

Ava Gardner; Dima Bilan; Edwige Fenech; Howard Hughes; Rex Stout; Ricky Martin; Saint Ignatius of Loyola…

All these people were born on December 24. And that, according to Maltese lore, makes them eligible for Gawgaw status.

Tradition held that it was “not nice” for anyone to share a birthday with Jesus – although, for some reason, the date ‘reserved’ for the Christ child was not December 25, i.e. Christmas Day, officially adopted by Bishop Liberius of Rome in 354, but Christmas Eve.

It was said that a person born on that day was destined to become a ghost on Christmas Eve, fated to haunt the streets until the dawn of Christmas morning… when the physical body would again come to life.

There was, of course an antidote for this curse – counting the holes on a sieve from dusk until dawn. Either way, the person would feel like a wet rag on the morrow; and not many people would believe the second option would have been the reason for this fatigue!

On the other hand, people who are born on Christmas Day proper are supposed to be immune to murders by hanging or drowning. The minus side of this is that they are gifted with “Sixth Sense” that allows them to see all manner of ghosts, ghouls, spirits and phantoms… although some cultures have it exactly the opposite… just as a black cat is good luck for some, and bad luck for others. The Irish believe that the gates of Heaven open at midnight on Christmas Eve, and therefore those who die then go straight to Heaven.

A poem dated 1525 says that it is not only the date of birth that matters, but also the day on which Christmas happens to fall that will affect the person’s life:

Yef that day that Cryste was borne. Falle upon a Sunday …
what chylde that day borne be, A grete lorde he shalle be

Yf Crystemas day on Monday be …
They that be borne that day, I wene,
They shalle be stronge eche on and kene…

Yf Crystmas day on Tuysday be…
Alle that be born there in may se,
They shalbe stronge and covethouse…

Yf Cyrstmas day the so the to say, Fall upon a Woydnysday
What childe that day borne ys, He shall dowghte and lyghte i-wysse…

Yf Crystmas day on Thursday be,
What chylde that day borne bee, He shalle have happy ryghte well to the,
Of deeds he shall be good and stabylle; Of speche and tonge wyse and reasonabylle…

Yf Crystmas day on Friday be,
The chylde that ys borne that day,
Shall long lyve and lecherowus be aye…

Yf Crystmas on the Saterday falle…
chyldren that e born that day,
Within a halfe a yere they shall dye, par fay.

In Malta, we are quite likely to have a mild winter – some foolhardy souls might even brave a dip in the briny to prove the point – but elsewhere there is the proverb that “A green Christmas makes a full graveyard”.
This distils the rural belief that mild winter weather is followed by more diseases in livestock and produce. The proverb does not refer to the custom of decorating homes with greenery – although for a time, even that was forbidden, since it was considered a pagan custom… for instance, Sweet By is the ancient laurel, the “glory herb” lorbeer or daphne, used as a wreath for heroes and poets. Indeed, the word “bachelor” in our college degrees comes from “bacca-laureus” or “laurel- berry” through the French bachelier.

Superstition and custom mish-mash in a nation’s folklore, such that no one knows where one begins and the other ends. Eastertide and Yuletide seem especially rife with these folk beliefs – perhaps because originally, the periods of the year in which these two major festivals lie were hitherto devoted to pagan deities, and several customs are but Christianised pagan rituals.

However, most people appear to agree that the first person to pass from near the door to the house (on the inside) on Christmas morning, was supposed to open wide the door, sweep the household’s troubles from the threshold, and welcome Christmas. For his pains, he was supposed to have good luck thought the year following, as did the first person in a household who heard the rooster crow.

That is – unless he took down the Christmas tree before the year was out, in which case, bad luck would dog him – or anyone else who did – throughout the next twelve months, up to the anniversary of the day in which he would have done it. It is also said that no decorations must be taken down until the twelfth night is past, but always before Candlemas.

It almost goes without saying that on Christmas Night, the bells of all the churches that have been destroyed by earthquakes, fire, flood, and landslides, may be heard tolling in unity, to celebrate this special time.

Many superstitions involve the greenery associated with Christmas – holly, for instance, was not supposed to be brought inside the house before Christmas Eve, lest a member of the family died during the year. It is said that myrrh plants will flower only for an hour on Christmas Eve… and some animals, if you listen carefully, will have acquired the power of speech on Holy Night, too.

Bales of hay carried around a church three times on Christmas Eve would meet the requirements of cattle far more efficiently than they otherwise would have done.

Even if you can’t bear the taste of mince pies – remember that eating one made by a different person in a different house, means a month of happiness.

For a full purse, you are to carry in your pocket a scale from a fish eaten at Christmas.

Min Hu Għajri?

Kelma helwa hi bħal żejt fuq il-feriti…

Kelli għalliema li kienet tinsisti li naqraw l-hekk imsejħa “kotba klassiċi”, biex ‘iżjed ‘l quddiem’, jiġifieri issa, meta xi ħadd jagħmel referenza għlihom, ma nibqgħux ċassi għax inkunu nafu minn fejn ġejjjin xi kwotazzjoni, jew xi incident partikolari.

Wieħed minn dawn il-kotba kien Pilgrim’s Progress ta’ John Bunyan, li, niftakar, kull meta kont naqbdu f’idi kien jaqbadi nagħas kbir u bilkem kont inkun naf x’qed naqra; eżatt kif kien jiġrili meta nipprova naqra War and Peace.

Imma id-dehra, xi frażijiet weħlu, għax dan l-aħħar ftakar fih meta attendejt Seminar li kien imfassal fuq il-parabbola ta-Ħanin Samaritan, spejagata tant tajjeb mill-qassis żagħżugħ Dun Bastjan Caruana.

Għalkemm hawn min jgħid li din it-tagħlima, meta nagħmluha allegorija, hija ftit jew xejn esaġerata, lili għoġbitni, u bil-permess tiegħu qed naqsamha hawn…

Id-Dun spjegalna kif is-Santi Padri taw tifsiriet speċjali li kull dettal tal-istorja. San Ġwann Kriżostmu jgħid li din l-istorja tgħin li fiha nsibu stampa tal-misteru kollu tas-salvazzjoni, u turija tal-imħabba t’Alla.

Mela, raġel kien nieżel minn Ġerusalemm għal Ġeriko; l-Adam, mimli bill-fiduċja fih innifsu minnflok f’Alla, qabad it-triq tan-niżla, waħda u sew, għax Ġeriko qiegħed 825 pied taħt il-livell tal-baħar. Attakkawh il-ħallelin; għax meta l-bniedem jitbiegħed in Alla, ikollu l-għadu jsus warajh.

Ħadulu l-ħwejjeġ: il-libsa li kienet kieku tintitolah għall-eternita. Telqu u ħallewh għal mejjet – suġġett għal dnub u l-mewt ta’ dejjem. Il-Levita, il-qassis, qasam it-triq. Rajt ma rajtx, gedwed waħdu. Fl-aħħar wasal is-Samaritan. Ħass għalih, infaxxalu l-feriti wara li dewwih biż-żejt u bl-imbid. It-tagħlim huwa l-faxex, iż-żejt iffarakrna fidlik tas-Sagramenti, u l-inbid fl-Ewkaristija…kollha meħtieġa biex aħna nfiequ.

Lil tal-ħotel, tah żewġ dinari u qallu, “Ibża għalih, u meta nerġa niġi, inħallsek il-bilanċ.” Fiha x’tifhem, din. Naraw kif il-ħajja tal-Knisja hija maqsuma skot il-karattri ta’din l-istorja: l-morda, dawk li qegħidin ifiequ bi-kura, u dawk – il-qaddisin – li diġà fiequ. Naraw kif is-Santi Padri ma jikkategorizzwx lin-nies f’tajbin jew ħżiena fuq il-bażi tal-liġijiet materjali, għax din hija xi ħaġa superfiċjali. Il-morda fil-ruħ jinħtieġu l-purifikazzjoni, u d-dawl. Hemm bżonn sptar spiritwali biex jgħin lil kull min hu batut.

U aħna? Nibżgħu li jekk nagħmluha maz-zopp, f’għeluq is-sena, insiru bħalu? Jew nitniġġsu mill-arja ta’ madwar dawk li telqu l-fidi għax ġratilhom xi traġedja? Ninjoraw lil min ikun jixtieq kelma ta’ faraġ, għax hekk jaqbel, ma jmurx xi ħadd jarana miegħu u jittimbrana bl-istess titlu, bħal mal-qassis u l-Levita beżghù li ma jibqgħux indaf, skont il-liġi Testment il-Qadim? Skuża taba li ngħidu li aħna (ovvjament) m’aħniex il-papa, u li jekk iridu jafu fejn hu l-bieb ta-knisja.

Is-Samaritan ma staqsiex fejn kien il-qassis, jew fejn telaq il-Fariżew, jew fejn staħba l-għalliem tal-Lhud. Is-Samaritan intebaħ li kien hemm il-bżonn, u għen kif seta’, b’li kellu dak il-ħin.

Kelma helwa hi bħal żejt fuq il-feriti ta’ qalb mimlija uġieh.

Mort Coffee Morning – U Funeral

Inzertat ġurnata tal-Erbgħa u ħsibt li la ma kellix daqstant x’nagħmel, nitla’ sas-suq ta’ Birkirkara.

Mela kif ħriġt mill-bieb eżatt, iċempel it-telefon; kienet ħabiba li kont ilni qatiegħ ma niltaqa’ magħha. “Ġejt f’moħħi!” qaltli. “Għax ili biex inċempillek. Naf Ii mhux ħa tieħu għalik jekk ngħidlek li għandi biljett żejjed għal High Tea…” “Meta?” “Illum – jekk trid, nofs siegħ’oħra ngħaddi għalik għax sejrin minn hawn bil-Coach. Tibżax, nerġa nwasslek id-dar wara…”

Bdejt nidħaq, u għedtilha li għal ftit sekondi laħqitni.

Sakemm wasalna fejn il-Coach, ma waqafniex intaqtqu. Il-familja, ix-xogħol, nies li konna nafuhom it-tnejn… għax din waħda minn dawk li m’għandiex paġna fuq Facebook.   Insomma, f’kemm ili ngħidlek irrakuntajna bi tletin sena ġrajjiet.

Introduċietni mal-ħbieb tagħha; u hawn aħjar ma ngħaddix kummenti iżjed għax kulħadd ikun jaf għal min qed ngħid.

Ħabibti qaltli li dan l-avventiment kien għall-ġbir ta’ fondi (għax issa hekk moda), u flok Coffee Morning sempliċi, għamluh iżjed elaborat.

Wasalna fil-Hotel, u anqas domna ħames minuti b’kollox nistennew, għax mill-ewwel bdew ġejjin dixxijiet kontra dixxijiet imburġati bl-ikel delikat u delizzjuż, li soltu jittiekel fis-sular ta’ fuq waqt dawk l-episodji ta’ Upstairs, Downstairs.

Kien hemm xi ħames tipi ta’ tè, u tlieta ta’ kafe. Sandwiches ċkejkin, gidma kollox, mimlija bis-salamun affumikat, jew ħjar imqatta’ trasparenti, jew taħlita ta’ isfra tal-bajd u mustarda; pasti żgħar bil-ġamm jew bil-krema; kejkijiet liema bħalhom… u kulħadd induna li kien hemm min ma kienx bi ħsiebu jiekol f’nofs inhar… u kien hemm min deher ideffes xi ikel f’borża tal-plastik, ukoll… u ħabibti ittini f’ġenbi, u ċċaqlaq ħuġbejha, u bla kliem tindikali ‘l dik u lill-oħra.

Kienu qorbu l-ħdax u nofs… u kien sar i-ħin għat-tombla. “Hawn aħna…” Iżda ġara li dik li organiżżat il-ħarġa qalet li min ried, eta’ joħroġ barra jagħmel passiġġata… u ħabibti qaltli li kienet tipretendi li min jagħmelhekk jagħti donazzjoni ta’ almenu kemm jiswa’ ġog wieħed.

Ħallasna – u tlaqna ‘barra.

Mela ġara li nzertajna funeral ta’ “xi ħadd importanti” li sa dak il-ħin ma konniex nafu min hu, f’waħda mill-kappelli. Għedt importani għax kien hemm għadd ta’ nies li isimhom u wiċċhom u leħinhom huma familjari mal-maġġorranza tal-Maltin.

Ħabibti qaltli li kieku għadhom moda, kienet toħroġ l-autograph book – u fis timlih (għax din waħda li ssegwi d-dinja tal-medja sew). U bit-twila u bil-qasira, billi l-coffee morning kellu jdum almenu siegħa oħra – “Filkas żgur iċempluli…” – ssibna postna fuq il-bankijiet.

Fit-tnedijiet tal-imwiet, tisma’ kultant li huwa mitlub li ma jintlibisx iswed għal waqt il-Quddiesa. Iżda hawn, kulħadd assuma li l-iswed huwa sinjal ta’ rispett – u li kellhom iswed, libsuh. Jekk kiex ġins; libsa trasparenti jew imqaċċta (minn dawk ta’ bla ċingi li l-ħin kollu trid tirranġahom għax inkella ikollok wardrobe malfunction); dublett qasir; libsa qisha tal-baħar, b’żewgt ixquq l fuq mill-irkoppa fil-ġenb… kien hemm varjeta sħiħa. Imma stenna’ ftit – forsi libsu dawn il-ħwejjeġ għax huma nies li jżommuha, u saħansitra f’funeral riedu li ma jidhrux qishsom sejrin funeral? Min jaf. Forsi għalhekk dawk it-tkaken, ukoll.

Inzerta li ta’ warajna ġew tard. U dehrilhom (kif smajnihom jgħidu) li kienet għarukaża li aħna ħadnilhom posthom; każ ta’ ‘injoranza grassa’. Kemm domna hemm, sirna nafu min ma kienx hemm għax kien imsefer, u fejn, u għaliex; min qiegħed ma’ min; x’kienu ser isajjru; kemm ġabu t-tfal fl-eżamijiet, eċċ, eċċ.

Anqas il-qassis ma ħelisha. Meta beda’ jirreferi għall-mejjet b’ismu (kif kien fuq is-santa li tawna wara), waħda minn dawn qalet “Imma kemm hu ridikolu… ma jafx li kulħadd [#] kien isejjaħlu…”

Ħriġna mill-knisja, u x-xufier tal-karozza bit-tebut iddejjaq jistenna’ biex jaqla’ (għax it-traffiku kien ġejn min-naħa l-oħra u ħadd ma ċeda, għalkemm raw li kien hemm funeral…x’rispett, rispet…).

Mela, fettillu joħroġ ftit iżjed, u f’daqqa waħda isib trakk daqshiex qudddiemu, li kieku ma ġibidx il-brejk, probabbli li kien iħallih tal-kolp. Dawk li kienu għadhom hemm għamlu kjass. Min jgħajjat max-xufier tat-trakk għax imissu jistħi għax dan funeral; min ilum lil tal-karozza tal-mejjet; min jgħid kemm żdied it-traffiku…

U aħna? Għaġġilna lejn il-Hotel, għax cemplulna ħa jaraw fejn konna ħrabna.

Għaliex Meta Nagħtu…

Leħen is-Sewwa 24/05/2015

It-tfal tal-Klassi 3.2 tal-iskola primarja ta’ Birkirkara fil-Kulleġġ Santa Teresa, flimkien mal-għalliema tagħhom Miss Claudine Slater, jafu sew xi tfisser din il-frażi mit-talba ta’ San Franġisk. Bil-ħidma sfieqa tagħhom, bejn bl-insiġ ta’ brazzuletti, bejn bir-riklamar għalihom u l-bejgħ tagħhom, irnexxielhom itellgħu s-somma ta’ €1070 li ngħataw lis-Sorijiet tal-Ursolini ta’ Tas-Sliema.

Din kienet opra li ma bħalha; ħidma li wriet li t-tfal jafu jħossu u jħobbu, u li lesti jaqsmu dak li għandhom ma’ ħaddieħor.

Kemm-il darba nisimgħu il-frażi “ma nafx x’naqbad intih”, meta niġu biex nagħtu xi rigal lil xi ħadd. Ħallik li dan iż-żmien l-għarajjes itaffulek id-dilemma għax jordnawlek biex tagħtihom flus, biex żgur jixtru dak li jridu, u mhux teħles minn xi remiżolja li tkun writt mingħand in-nanna.

Sfortunatament, hawn min jonfoq ħafna flus fir-rigali; jew biex jiffanfra, jew biex jippika ma’ min ikun se jagħti rigal lill-istess persuna… jew biex jeħles minn dmir, u mir-responsabbiltajiet li suppost li jwettaq mal-persuna li lilha jkun ta r-rigal. Rigal mhux rigal jekk ma jiġix mill-qalb u jingħata bilfors. Rigal mhux rigal jekk ma jferraħx, u jekk min jirċevih ma jkunx jippreferi l-preżenza tiegħek aktar mill-għotja.

Kulħadd jaf idaħħal idu fil-but u joħroġ karta tal-€50, “għax it-tifel jieħu gost u jixtri li jrid”. Imma int lest li mal-€50 tqum minn hemm u tmur tixtri kaxxa żgħira Ludo, u tqiegħed il-flus fiha, biex turi li almenu għamilt sforz li ssib xi ħaġa li hi għal qalb it-tifel? Hawn rigali oħra li jiswew ħafna, iżda ma jissarfux fi flus, jew fi flus li jingħataw f’daqqa.

Forsi wasal iż-żmien li flok irroxxu l-bżar, nużaw il-ħxejjex aromatiċi wkoll.

• M’hemm xejn ħażin Ii rigal ikun “użat” – fis-sens li jekk il-ħabiba tiegħek qaltlek darba, darbtejn, bis-sinċerità kolha, kemm hu sabih dak il-flokk, int forsi jfettillek tagħlaq għajnejk u ttihulha. Jew jekk taf ħabibtek tħobb taqra, tmur sal-bażar u tixtrilha basket kotba.
• Kultant, il-ħin jiswa mitqlu deheb. Frosi xi ħadd għandu bżonn jgħid kelma, jew ftit għajnuna fil-faċendi, jew li xi ħadd joqgħodlu mat-tfal. Dak rigal li ma jinxtarax.
• Hawn min jippreferi għadd ta’ rigali żgħar, minflok wieħed kbir. Tkun idea tajba li kieku tibda tfaddal “rigali” flok “flus” meta tinzertahom. Kull meta tisma’ lil xi ħadd jgħid “kemm nixtieq kelli…” ikteb x’qal fuq karta.
• Tinsiex li iżjed ma tixtri affarijiet, iżjed se jkollok x’tiżbarazza, xi tnaddaf, u xi tkisser. Naqqas mix-xiri tal-affarijiet bla sugu.
• Ir-rigali jistgħu jkunu, ngħidu aħna, qoffa mimlija ikel, bħal ma jagħmlu l-hampers tal-parroċċa. Imma hawn, tagħżel l-affarijiet int u timlieh ftit ftit.
• Rigal jista’ jkun kors taż-żfin, għawm, jew tisjir, jew li tikteb lil xi ħadd f’xi rivista dwar xi suġġett li jinteressah.
• Jekk ikun ġej xi kantant Malta, tista’ tagħti biljetti għax-show tiegħu jekk taf Ii dawn jinżlu tajjeb.
• Hawn min japprezza li għal jum wiehed, int titlaq kollox u tgħaddih miegħu – jew toħroġ, jew tbajjadlu, jew issajru flimkien, jew tagħmlu xogħol tal-idejn, jew tħitu… li jkun jixtieq dak li jkun.
• Bħalma tkun lestejt hamper għall-kbar, tista’ tagħmel wieħed għat-tfal… mimli lapsijiet, kuluri, karti, kolla, pinen tal-kaligrafija u linka ta’ kuluri differenti

U bilħaqq, jekk ikollkom ġiżirani mqatta’, jew m’għadkomx tilbushom, tuhomlna rigal, biex nagħmlu iżjed affarijiet sbieħ biex jinbiegħu għall-karità. Tistgħu tħalluhomlna fl-uffiċċju ta’ dan il-ġurnal. Nirringrazzjawkom bil-quddiem.

Sex Appals

Wednesday, April 25, 2012, 12:10  

The other day, Welsh international footballer Ched Evans raped a teenager. His friend, Port Vale defender Clayton McDonald had sex with her.

Is there any difference between the terms, seeing that both men claimed it was consensual? Does it make any difference that she was drunk at the time, and that she has no memory at all of what happened, perhaps because one or more of her drinks (allegedly wine, double vodkas with lemonade and a Sambuca shot)  had been spiked?

The Court held that Evans was guilty of rape, and sentenced him to five years in prison; McDonald was deemed ‘not guilty’ of rape.

Sheffield United player Connor Brown sought to ‘defend’ his friend by calling the victim ‘a money-grabbing little tramp’. He then went on to use bad English and worse words in his Twitter account to insult the girl, but later removed his posts.

The aura of the rich, the powerful, the handsome, the popular, and those who consider themselves above the law, sometimes translates into these wannabe studs (correctly) thinking they can pick and choose women for sex. Some go even further and expect the women to think they are being done a favour, and, hence, no type of compensation to her would be due.

This, essentially, means that any girl who decides to complain – or, heaven forbid – press charges later, will automatically be branded a bitch, a liar, or  a  gold-digger, and sometimes all three at once.  

Consider, for a moment, the current crisis assailing the American Secret Service.

About 11 Secret Service agents brought prostitutes back to their rooms while they were preparing the venue for President Obama’s arrival for the Summit of the Americas. Although such doings are illegal, the police in the area have some ‘tolerance zones’ – which apparently are both in the concrete and in the abstract.

However, as it happened, one of the women refused to leave the premises after 7.00am, as is the praxis. But she had a reason; she had not been paid adequately for services rendered. And this is, basically, what lit the fuse that exploded the bomb that blew the story open.

There will always be  teachers who will try to din into students’ minds that ‘sluts’ (read a girl who has sex before she is married, with one person or more) are merely fornicators with a more modern name.

There will always be people like Albert Locher, the Sacramento County District Attorney, who actually arrest rape victims to make sure they are present to testify against their aggressors.

But the worst thing of all is that there are a whole slew of myths, masquerading as reasons, why many people do not accept that rape would have happened.

We are asked to believe that it’s not rape if the woman:  didn’t put up a fight;  had been with another man twenty-four hours before or after the attack;  had no signs of violence on her body; has an active sex life; is a prostitute ‘anyway’;  is old, and ugly, and might not otherwise have had sex; is a lesbian; is young and  attractive, and therefore a temptation;  did not know what was happening anyway; ordered, tempted or dared the man to have sex;  uses birth-control; was dating the man; was dressed indecently; was drinking to make herself lose her inhibitions; was not supposed to be where she was; or went to his place of her own volition.

Moreover, if “her no obviously meant yes”; if the sex was consensual, and / or the man used a prophylactic; or of the act happened in her house or a neutral place, we are supposed to think that the woman is crying wolf as well as rape.  

These conditions nicely cover just about any situation, do they not?

As far as I am concerned, a “slut” is someone who uses sex-related accusations to lie about a man for her own ends – when no sex at all would have taken place.

Yet it remains a sad fact of life that in most countries, sex crimes are treated differently from other types of crimes.

If you sell stolen goods, you are guilty of that.  If you help someone hide a murdered body, you are an accessory after the fact. In a nutshell, if you aid and abet someone in a crime, you have to pay the penalty.

Just because someone entices you to commit murder, fraud, theft, or perjury, you do not just play along willy-nilly. Whether the issue involves stealing a car for joy-riding, beating up someone, robbing a house, doing drugs, or jumping off a cliff, it cuts no ice to tell the judge that “peer pressure” made you comply.

Yet sex between consenting adults is sometimes considered all right; especially if it is the word of one person ‘with a reputation’ against an abuser who may or may not be in collusion with other witnesses.

Incidentally, most women who have had unwanted sexual relations, inclusive of rape, usually go home to scrub themselves physically clean from their emotional trauma. 

This, too, may count against them – because they are ‘supposed’ to hie off for an examination that would document evidence of any kind available.